FROM THE ARCHIVES Inspiration: Lost 07/07

I am writing the Great American Crime/Suspense/Horror/Mystery/Thriller Novel. Watch me go.

China is not exactly the greatest place to cultivate a Crime / Suspense / Horror / Mystery / Thriller genre mindset; I find myself at odds with my environment. If only I had set up shop in Madrid where stolen jewels and black cloaked gangsters are old hat. China is too conservative. I need to see more blood - purely for inspirational purposes.

Bugger of it is I haven't the foggiest idea of what to call this soon-to-be-legendary book. The only titles that come to mind are along the lines of "Happy Man means Serenity for our Lives", "Cool Fashion need Cool Taste", "My Desires to Love Untires After Dawn" etc etc. I hope you can see my problem. Please help. It's not very often I try to take advantage of my readers, especially in copyright sensitve areas, but I feel this is important enough to beg clemency (practising my lingo for the novel). What do you think my little black book should be called? Need a hint of the plot? Two words: Unicorn Bloodbath. I don't care if they're endangered! This is happening, right now. This. Is. Reality. Deal with it.

Look down about 7 posts and find the ravings of a feverish lunatic on cough syrup. Essentially every problem mentioned has been dealt with and fixed at this point. The shower was installed this morning while I was furiously writing the beginning of The Book by two men who hotboxed the washroom with their Red Chinese Cigarettes. Gross and unappreciated. Clothes washer was also fixed although I didn't mention it previously. Typical midlife crisis kind of stuff. My new house is clean and I'm ready to start a new chapter here in Dongyang.

In other seasonal news... I got nothing. Probably because Xmas is going to suck pretty hard this year. I'm expecting a package from my parents soon which will be heavenly and incidentally the only package I have ever received in my 3 months here. Let's just say Cassandra has been blessed with approximately 6. It's not my fault I'm a huge bitch and everyone hates me. That's how genious develops: through hatred.

I'm off to never never land aka my flat. Cyber Bar. This Sunday. Be there.